Choosing a life partner is, arguably, the most important decision any of us will ever make. This person is going to be by our side every single day through the ups and downs, trials and tribulations, failures and victories, wins and losses, and everything in between.

The questions outlined below, of course, aren’t relevant to a more casual relationship or a “fling.” Instead, they’re designed to determine whether or not the person you’re with is truly right for you in terms of compatibility and alignment when it comes to the things that really matter.

The answers to these questions can fundamentally change the course of your life forever, so they are not to be taken lightly.

Here are a few:

1: Is there a foundation of friendship?

Many men recoil at the idea of being friends with a woman because of past trauma from being friend-zoned. I know I did for a long time.

The truth of the matter, though, is that building a friendship with your romantic partner is an integral part of the equation. Building a friendship allows you to enjoy a vast array of life experiences together that have nothing to do with physical attraction — but simply enjoying the other person’s company.

What’s more, is that marriage is (supposed to be) forever. And, sexual attraction alone will never be strong enough to hold you together forever through all of life’s challenges, struggles, decisions, peaks, and valleys — especially into your older years where companionship is the most valuable asset of all.

You won’t want to be on the couch or in the rocking chair next to someone that you’re not friends with in 50 years from now.

Hell, you won’t even want to run errands next weekend with someone you’re not friends with.

2: Is there MUTUAL trust?

The key word here being mutual, because he needs to feel just as trusted, as he does trusting.

Trust is the foundation of love, because you cannot truly love, respect, or commit yourself to someone that you don’t fully trust. You might say the words “I do,” but somewhere in the back of your mind, you’ll be asking “Do I, really?”

To fully give ourselves to someone, there can be no question about whether or not they’re trustworthy, nor can there be the same of how they feel about us.

3: Is there emotional consistency?

We all have good days and bad days, but I’ve always said that consistency is important in a relationship because it’s important to have a solid idea of who you’re dating, and especially who you’re marrying.

Forever is a long time, and not something to be taken lightly. If you don’t know what you’re going to get from someone tomorrow, or next week, or next month…how do you know what you’re going to get in 10, 20, or 30 years?

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Looking forward to chatting more soon,

-James Michael Sama