Things good men never do

I’m not perfect. Nobody is. We all stumble, make mistakes, say or do things we wish we could take back, or fall short of our own expectations of ourselves.

This, my friends, is part of the human experience.

I do, however, believe there are limits. Boundaries. Standards. Hard lines that we do not cross based on our character, integrity, and values.

For someone who considers himself a “good man,” there are a myriad of these actions that will never appear in his relationships. Today, I want to discuss ten of them:

1: He will never make you feel undervalued.

Entering a monogamous relationship with someone is one of the highest honors one can receive. You’ve got a fully independent human being who is making a conscious decision to choose you among billions of others to spend, what could be, the rest of their life with.

Imagine, now, taking that honor for granted and acting in ways that would make this person feel alone, undervalued, and unwanted in the relationship…

No good man could fathom such a thing, and if he unwittingly becomes distracted, or overwhelmed, or distant — and you communicate this feeling to him, he will swiftly and efficiently remedy the situation by pulling you close and reassuring you that you are his highest priority, and will act as such moving forward.

2: He will never play games with your heart or mind.

We’ve all been there before — left wondering if someone’s words or actions are genuine. Watching them say one thing, but then doing another…

While, in some cases, this could be due to simple laziness or an oversight, it could also be intentional manipulation designed to make you insecure, or less confident, or to make you try harder to “win someone over.”

Regardless of the reason, good men enter into relationships with clear intentions and aligned actions. They would never mislead you, lie to you, or betray your trust.

3: He will never hide things from you.

I’ve heard it all from clients over the years — people who hide everything from texts with a coworker, to entirely different lives and separate families (seriously) that eventually found out about each other.

Regardless of the magnitude, there is one common thread here — good men do not hide things from their significant others.

Let’s be clear about this: I believe that people have a right to privacy and it is possible that a person can have insecurities, pieces of their past, or inner pain/desire/whatever that they are uncomfortable sharing with others.

This point is about intentional hiding, lying, or deceiving…none of which a good man would ever do.

4: He will never make you “sell yourself” to him.

Ask yourself — do you feel like the man you’re with truly values you as a human being? Your intelligence, your ambition, your drive…or, do you feel like he puts you in positions where you need to “prove yourself” to him? To “prove” that you’re “worth” his love, time, or attention?

Healthy relationships are made up of two people who recognize the inherent value in each other and show that recognition on a regular basis.

If you feel like you always need to earn his love, it’s probably not real love in the first place.

*** I’m not saying you shouldn’t be putting effort into the relationship — both partners need to consistently “try” for the other person, but there’s a big difference between putting in effort because you care for someone, and putting in effort because of an ultimatum.

===> Read the full article on JamesMSama.com. (No Medium membership required).

Let me know in the comments - am I setting the bar TOO high? I certainly don’t think so, but I welcome your thoughts as always.

Talk to you soon,

-James Michael Sama